enough is enough
Enough. It seems like such a benign, commonplace word on its face. It can simply mean sufficient; as much as required. On a basic level, “enough” is also an expression of the impatient desire for the end of undesirable circumstances - most definitely a common sentiment these days. I cannot count the number of times I’ve felt like I’ve had enough of the challenging external events that have occurred over the last few years, and particularly the last few months. But the depth and breadth of the word is really exposed when I dare to look at my internal world. The pervasive fear of “am I enough?” surfaces; it is a sentiment that speaks to our fundamental value as human beings. Notwithstanding the cliché, we are living in an unprecedented time of unsettledness, and the nuanced definition and application of this unassuming word seems worthy of exploration.
Regardless of our job titles (or lack thereof), socioeconomic status, age, gender or ethnicity, it is evident that collectively, we are all suffering from some degree of fear of insufficiency. The hoarding of basic items ranging from toilet paper to chicken has become commonplace. I am ashamed to admit it, but the last time I went to a grocery store, I found myself waiting anxiously amid a group of people at 7:30am for the doors to open. When they did, I eagerly pushed my cart inside, competing with a legion of glove and mask-bearing customers. Adrenaline surged through my body as my primordial brain convinced me that I might miss out on securing the last of my basic necessities. Would Publix have enough of my favorite yogurt? Maybe. Did my survival depend on it? No. But it sure felt that way.
If I zoom out and look at my life from a metaphorical balcony, I can’t help but feel just as frightened. Besides the threat of fulfilling my most basic needs for survival, the top of my Maslow pyramid is also crumbling; it is marked by the anxiety that I am being robbed of time, interaction, and opportunities to achieve. There won’t be enough resources to accomplish my dreams and consequently attain fulfillment and self-actualization because I am losing out on today and every day for the foreseeable future. However paradoxically, these circumstances just might be exposing a hidden gift. While I cannot find as much numbing comfort in the purchasing of things because they are either out of stock or I cannot justify spending the money (or both), I am compelled to look inside and rely upon myself – my internal state – in order to uncover a sense of sufficiency. Minor inconveniences aside, most of us currently have and will continue to have enough to survive. But how can we genuinely unearth our innate resourcefulness and believe that we alone are enough?
I’ve been reading Dr. Brené Brown’s work for years and recently a friend turned me onto her new podcast, “Unlocking Us.” It reminded me of the researcher and author’s famous thesis: a pervasive sense of shame makes many of us feel unworthy of true human connection. The shame is derived from our perfectionistic culture, in which most of us believe we’re “not good enough...not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough” to be worthy of love. As a result, we build up an armor and resist vulnerability because letting others see us as we really are might mean rejection and pain. I believe that now more than ever, we are being stripped of that armor. We are isolated, forced to really see ourselves and forgo all those things we used to be able to do and buy to fill the void. The call to action here is to get to know ourselves more intimately than ever, realize that we are now and will always be enough, and as such we can truly connect with each other no matter the extent of our physical social distancing. If this time - for all of its hardship and pain – isn’t unlocking a serious superpower in all of us, then I don’t know what else can.
As I experience anxiety, frustration, and exhaustion throughout the indefinite duration of this pandemic fallout and ultimate recovery, I just want to scream ENOUGH! I know I am not alone in yearning for the return of my “normal”, and as much as I want to take the higher consciousness perspective and ascertain that I am not a victim, for goodness sakes, I’ve had enough. But when my resistance grows tired and my inner tantrum quiets, I get a glimpse of something beautiful. At any given moment, I am provided with everything I need because I am everything I need. That does not take away from the fundamental human necessity for connecting with others, it enables it. We must first remove our proverbial armor and get connected to our own true essence. To quote Brené Brown, “believing that you are enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic”, even if sometimes that means admitting to myself and to the world that I am authentically sad and afraid.